Fear

Our trip to Santa Cruz was very nice.  My Sweet H's love the beach! We forgot our Sit N Stand and had to buy a stroller for Little H to ride in.  Spent about an hour trying to decide on the perfect one... which doesn't exist... but found one I really like.  Goes from birth to 55lbs and is compact and light weight.  Will be nice to have a small single stroller when I don't want to push around the great big Sit N Stand.

My insurance has been dragging its feet getting me my Ambien so I had to borrow 5 from my mom.  I ran out Sunday night and decided to try and take nothing to fall asleep.  Turned out to be a terrible, horrible night.  Couldn't sleep for hours then when I finally did was that ridiculous light sleep where you are aware of everything.  Woke up a number of times.  Around 2:30 was one of the wake up sessions.  I was feeling terribly nauseous and went to try and get a snack to calm my stomach.  Instead ended up vomiting everything I possibly could out of my stomach.  Tried going back to bed around 3:30 only to go into the restless light sleep.  Woke up feeling like death warmed over with a screaming headache.

I am afraid.  I am afraid not to take the sleeping pills because more than a few nights like the above and I turn in to a crazy person... seriously.  At the same time I doubt that when most Doctors prescribe sleeping pills to pregnant women they don't anticipate them taking the pills every night of the pregnancy.  Things like Ambien and Lunesta state on their packaging that they are for short term usage.  Now when not pregnant I take them almost nightly... but then it is only my body I am possibly harming.  So I am afraid.  I do not want to hurt this little Butterfly. 

I wish I had a sign from God to know what to do. 

I rented one of those Baby Dopplers to listen to Butterfly's heart beat.  End of last week I was wondering if some how I had harmed him/her because of the sleeping pills.  I was so nervous that I sent away for this thing.  Butterfly doesn't really like it.  As soon as I finally find the heart beat he/she kick and moves away.  I only do it once a day.  I hope that since his/her heartbeat is still sounding strong that he/she is.  I hate this fear.